When you let go of someone who was toxic, it can actually be pretty hard. But if someone was so bad for you, then WHY is it so difficult to let go? Here are 5 reasons why letting go of toxic people is hard.
First of all, you probably see lots of inspirational posts on social media about getting toxic people out of your life.
While I definitely agree with that, it’s also much easier said than done.
As someone who’s had to let go of a number of toxic people, I know first hand just how difficult it can be.
Read on for 5 reasons why letting go of toxic person in your life is so difficult.
#1 Relationships Aren’t Black and White
One of the reasons why it’s so difficult to let go of a toxic person is because relationships aren’t black and white.
Meaning, a relationship is never 100% good or 100% bad.
For instance, I had a close friend for many years who gave me lots of support. We also traveled together and have SO MANY beautiful memories.
But when I started feeling better about myself and was getting much happier in my life, things changed. She wasn’t excited for my happiness, and didn’t acknowledge when things were going well for me.
Ultimately, she stopped being a source of happiness for me and brought me down. So I decided to move on.
While she wasn’t always toxic for me, it was very hard to let go of our friendship because there was so much good there.
If you relate to this, try to sort out the good parts from your toxic relationships and cherish them.
But don’t let the good things overshadow the fact that you’re moving on from a toxic person.
Relationships aren’t all good or all bad. But once you’ve decided a relationship is toxic, it’s time to grieve (over and over again sometimes) and move on.
#2 You Love(d) that Toxic Person
Another reason why it’s hard to let go of a toxic person is because you probably love or loved them.
Personally, I’ve had to let go of some very close people in my life that are no longer good for me. Including a handful of my immediate family, and even a boyfriend who I loved SO much.
These stories are very personal to me, so I’m not going to go into too much detail. However, it’s obviously very painful to let go of people who are so close to you, especially blood relatives.
If you’re going through this, I send you all my love because it’s anything but easy.
The thing is, you might never stop loving that toxic person. But that doesn’t mean you have to accept their toxicity just because you love them.
While I’m not here to give advice on a personal basis, I am here to say that letting go of a toxic person that you love is very difficult because you love them.
And that’s ok. You can still honor your heart, the love you have for them AND let them go if you decide to do that.
#3 You Question Yourself
Next, it can be hard to let go of someone who’s toxic if you question yourself.
Was it really that bad?
Are they really toxic, or was it just me?
Am I just being sensitive?
Yes, people do make mistakes. And no one is perfect in any relationship.
However, it’s important to validate your own feelings. I share ways to do that here.
If someone has hurt you or has some questionable behavior, tune into how it makes YOU feel. And remember that how you feel matters, even if it seems small or silly.
If you question yourself, it makes it hard to know when it’s time to leave a toxic person behind. Just remember that how you feel is valid, no matter what. The more you validate your own emotions, the easier it’ll be to identify which parts of their behavior you’re not actually ok with.
And if you need some tips on managing your emotions during conflict, I share some here.
#4 You’re Used to Getting Treated Poorly
Another reason it’s hard to let go of toxic people is because you’re used to getting treated badly.
Personally, I grew up with a lot of emotional abuse. So, I thought that was a normal part of all relationships.
For example, I was rejected and punished when I expressed my emotions as a kid. So, I genuinely believed that how I felt was an inconvenience that didn’t matter.
But when I met my husband, I finally experienced something different. He truly cared how I felt and never made me feel like an inconvenience.
That type of love was something I had always longed for, but wasn’t sure if it existed.
But as I worked on loving myself, I started to have hope that someone who could love all of me existed out there.
If you’re used to getting treated badly, it’s hard to believe in something different.
However, there is always hope for meeting people who will love you and treat you well. So, even if you’re used to getting treated poorly, that doesn’t mean you deserve that or that everyone will treat you badly.
Keep working on believing that you DO deserve to be loved in a healthy way. If you’re looking for ways to do that, I share 40 ways to grow your self-esteem here.
#5 They Brought Us Something We Thought We Lacked
Finally, it can be hard to let go of someone toxic because they have qualities you feel that you lack.
For instance, I had a hard time letting go of the friend I mentioned above because she had so many great attributes that I admired. And I didn’t feel I had many great qualities at the time.
However, I worked on my self-esteem and feeling better in my own skin.
And the more I saw I actually do have good qualities, the easier it was to let go of her.
So, if you’re having a hard time letting go of someone who’s toxic ask yourself this:
-Do they bring you something you don’t think you could have on your own?
-Is there something about them you wish you had in your life?
-Are they a certain way that you wish you could be?
It can be hard to let go of someone who’s toxic, especially if they bring you something you don’t believe you can have on your own.
But if you identify what qualities they have that you WISH you had, then you can start cultivating those qualities yourself.
5 Reasons Why Letting Go of Toxic People is Hard
To wrap things up, letting go of toxic people is really hard. But the more you focus on loving yourself and validating your own emotions, the easier it is to leave them behind. Remember, you’re allowed to grieve toxic people. Take the good parts from the relationship, cherish them and move into a healthier place for YOU.
