Dealing with grief and loss (2024)

Aged care services

  • Grief and loss arises not only from the death of a loved one but also from a range of other losses such as the loss of control and independence that might come with getting older.
  • Feelings of grief and loss can have a great effect on your physical health, your mental wellbeing, your financial situation and much more. It is important to acknowledge that these feelings are completely normal.
  • There are strategies and services available to help you to deal with grief and loss.
  • There are telephone helplines such as Lifeline (13 11 14) and GriefLine (1300 845 745) that can help you find ways of coping with grief and loss.
  • Call Grief Australia on 1300 664 786 for information and referral to bereavement services available in Victoria.

On this page

  • Experiencing grief and loss
  • Strategies for dealing with grief and loss
  • Grief and loss support services
  • Where to get help

Grief and loss happens not only because of the death of a loved one but also because of a range of other losses in a person’s life. These include the loss of control and independence that might come with getting older and not being able to do the things they once enjoyed. Some older people might feel as though they have lost their ‘voice’ and no longer have a say in their day-to-day care and activities. People with dementia and their carers may feel grief and loss as their dementia progresses. Others may feel a loss of all things familiar by moving out of their family home and into residential aged care.

Feelings of grief and loss can have a great effect on your physical health, your mental wellbeing, your financial situation and much more. It is important to acknowledge that these feelings are completely normal.

Grief does not have a timeline and you may feel it over an extended period. With the support of family and friends, most people gradually find ways to learn to live with grief and loss. However, for some, it may be helpful to seek professional support such as grief counselling. There are strategies and bereavement services available to help you manage feelings of grief and loss.

Experiencing grief and loss

Everyone experiences grief and loss differently. You might feel teary, sad, angry, frustrated, confused, anxious or resentful. These can all be expressions and symptoms of grief and loss. Your feelings of grief and loss might be so complicated and deeply rooted that you and others around you do not recognise them.

Everyone grieves in their own way. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, so long as you are not causing harm to yourself or those around you.

Strategies for dealing with grief and loss

Just as people experience grief and loss differently, people also find different ways to help them deal with feelings of grief and loss. Some of the following strategies might help:

  • Cry – some people feel that crying is not appropriate; others are afraid that once they start crying, the tears will not stop. If you feel the need to cry, go ahead and cry. If possible, try and cry with someone else, but you can also cry alone if you’d prefer. Crying is a normal human response to intense feelings, but even if you do not cry, it does not mean you are not feeling grief.
  • Spend some time alone – if you feel the need, schedule some time alone each day to focus on your feelings and to express them in whichever way feels natural to you. For example, you may choose to take time out and acknowledge how you feel, sit in a garden or park, pray, cry, look through photographs or write in a diary.
  • Do some physical activity – for some people, engaging in physical activity is a way of releasing tension and distracting themselves from the intensity of grief. If you physically can, think about going for a walk, joining a walking group or taking part in a group exercise class.
  • Pamper yourself – include activities in your daily or weekly schedule that you enjoy. If you can, choose the activity that brings you the greatest comfort.
  • Seek out support – this could include old and new friends, relatives, doctors, a community health centre, a grief support group or a professional counsellor. However, it is also okay if you feel like being alone.
  • Get professional help – call a helpline such as Lifeline (Tel: 13 11 14) and GriefLine (Tel: 1300 845 745) for support and advice (see below).
  • Get emergency help – call triple zero (000) if you feel distressed enough to want to hurt yourself or someone else.

Grief and loss support services

Talking things through with someone can help. Sometimes you might want to talk things through with someone you do not know. There are several telephone helplines available in Victoria that can help you find ways to manage feelings of grief and loss.

If you are in an emergency, are in danger or have harmed yourself, call triple zero (000) for emergency services. If you are on a mobile phone, 112 is another emergency number that will connect you directly to emergency services.

Crisis counselling for grief and loss

If you need immediate help, you can access crisis support and counselling services 24-hours-a-day, seven days a week.

You can find someone to talk to through one of these helplines:

  • Lifeline – call 1Tel. 13 11 14 for this Australia-wide crisis support and suicide prevention service.
  • beyondblue – call Tel. 1300 224 636 for support for issues relating to anxiety and depression.

Grief and loss counselling services

If you do not need crisis support, then try one of the following services:

Grief Australia offers a specialist grief service for people who need help after the death of someone close to them. They can connect you to other bereavement services in Victoria, but they do not offer a telephone counselling service. To access this service, call Tel. 1300 664 786, Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm.

The Bereavement Counselling and Support Service - depending on your individual circ*mstances, Grief Australia may provide you with direct counselling support, through this service located at 253 Wellington Road, Mulgrave, Victoria 3170. For further information phone Tel. (03) 9265 2100 or email counselling@grief.org.au

Griefline is an Australia-wide grief helpline that offers free telephone, online and face-to-face grief counselling services. Call Tel. 1300 845 745 to access anonymous and confidential telephone support.

Where to get help

This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:

Department of Health

This page has been produced in consultation with and approved by:

Department of Health

View all aged care services

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Content disclaimer

Content on this website is provided for information purposes only. Information about a therapy, service, product or treatment does not in any way endorse or support such therapy, service, product or treatment and is not intended to replace advice from your doctor or other registered health professional. The information and materials contained on this website are not intended to constitute a comprehensive guide concerning all aspects of the therapy, product or treatment described on the website. All users are urged to always seek advice from a registered health care professional for diagnosis and answers to their medical questions and to ascertain whether the particular therapy, service, product or treatment described on the website is suitable in their circ*mstances. The State of Victoria and the Department of Healthshall not bear any liability for reliance by any user on the materials contained on this website.

Reviewed on: 14-10-2015

Dealing with grief and loss (2024)

FAQs

Dealing with grief and loss? ›

As you build a plan, consider the “three Cs”: choose, connect, communicate. Choose: Choose what's best for you. Even during dark bouts of grief, you still possess the dignity of choice. “Grief often brings the sense of loss of control,” says Julie.

What are the three C's of grief? ›

As you build a plan, consider the “three Cs”: choose, connect, communicate. Choose: Choose what's best for you. Even during dark bouts of grief, you still possess the dignity of choice. “Grief often brings the sense of loss of control,” says Julie.

Why does grief hurt so much? ›

The moment we learn of our loss, our braintriggers the fight-or-flight response. This heightened state puts extra stress on our organs and bodily functions, and we would usually experience it for a few minutes to 48 hours. But after bereavement, the effects ofthe fight-or-flight response can continuefor months.

What is the hardest stage of grief? ›

There really is no stage that is the hardest or one that all people get stuck in the longest. That said, for some people, the hardest stage might be the “depression” stage while for others this might be the bargaining stage of grief or “anger.”.

What not to do when dealing with grief? ›

What not to do when you're grieving
  1. Live in the past.
  2. Ideal the person or your previous situation.
  3. Refuse to make the necessary changes to move forward.
  4. Dwell in self-pity. ...
  5. Lose respect for own body… ...
  6. Remain withdrawn or run away from your feelings.
  7. Rely on alcohol and/or other drugs.

What is the most intense type of grief? ›

This is known as complicated grief, sometimes called persistent complex bereavement disorder. In complicated grief, painful emotions are so long lasting and severe that you have trouble recovering from the loss and resuming your own life.

What are the 5 stages of grief resolution? ›

The five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – are often talked about as if they happen in order, moving from one stage to the other. You might hear people say things like 'Oh I've moved on from denial and now I think I'm entering the angry stage'. But this isn't often the case.

What is the hardest family member to lose? ›

The death of a husband or wife is well recognized as an emotionally devastating event, being ranked on life event scales as the most stressful of all possible losses.

Where does grief sit in the body? ›

Where do we hold grief in our body? Grief affects the entire body, including the organs, skin, brain, and tissues. It can create issues with muscle tenion, sleeping difficulties, and affect how the brain and body process information and emotions.

What is the most painful stage of grief? ›

Depression. Depression is a feeling of sadness and hopelessness that often results with the loss of a loved one. While the earlier stages of grief help to protect us from the emotional pain experienced with loss, often these feelings are inevitable.

What is the most difficult death to recover from? ›

Different kinds of bereavement

In general, death of a child is the most difficult kind of loss, and bereaved family members are at elevated risk for depression and anxiety for close to a decade after the loss.

How do I know what stage of grief I am in? ›

Stages of Grief
  1. Denial: When you first learn of a loss, it's common to think, “This isn't happening.” You may feel shocked or numb. ...
  2. Anger: As reality sets in, you're faced with the pain of your loss. ...
  3. Bargaining: During this stage, you dwell on what you could've done to prevent the loss.
Aug 20, 2023

How long does mourning last? ›

There is no timeline for how long grief lasts, or how you should feel after a particular time. After 12 months it may still feel as if everything happened yesterday, or it may feel like it all happened a lifetime ago. These are some of the feelings you might have when you are coping with grief longer-term.

What makes grieving worse? ›

A trigger can be anything that causes a strong reminder of your loss. Many people say the first year or two can be particularly difficult. With time, most people find they learn to adapt, although birthdays, anniversaries or other special dates might always cause a range of strong emotions.

Why should we not cry when someone dies? ›

It is perfectly normal not to cry when someone dies. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and everyone deals with loss in their own way. It doesn't mean that you don't care, that you are cold, or that you are broken in any way. It simply means that you process your emotions in a different way.

Does anything help with grief? ›

Try to maintain your hobbies and interests. There's comfort in routine and getting back to the activities that bring you joy and connect you closer to others can help you come to terms with your loss and aid the grieving process. Don't let anyone tell you how to feel, and don't tell yourself how to feel either.

What are the 3 C's of coping? ›

When it comes to coping with anxiety, the three C's - Calm Techniques, Coping Strategies, and Communication Skills - can be powerful tools in managing and reducing anxiety symptoms. In this section, we will focus on the first C: Calm Techniques.

What are the three C's? ›

The 3Cs Framework
  • Curiosity. Questioning one's own assumptions and seeking new and different perspectives.
  • Compassion. Deeply empathizing with people, especially when they are struggling, and taking action to connect with and support them.
  • Courage.

What are the three pillars of grief? ›

So the 3 pillars in healing are, Processing through your mind, processing through your body, and Community.

What is the 3 stage of grief? ›

Numbness, Disorganization and Reorganization are these stages. In the midst of the grief journey, we sometimes feel there is no ending to the pain of loss.

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