Now, let me start off by saying that every funeral is different. If you are watching this video and are currently trying to navigate the planning of a funeral, I strongly recommend you talking to your local funeral director.The funeral director, not the pastor, will be the one to help you decide on what type of funeral service to have, the time and date, as well how you will be paying for it. Most likely your pastor will already have a relationship with the funeral director, but it is always important to never assume that the pastor knows all of the details regarding the funeral service.
Immediately after meeting with the funeral director to discuss the arrangements, it is important to me with your pastor separately. If you don’t have a pastor in mind that you would like to perform the service, ask your funeral director for suggestions. Then call the pastor that you choose to set up a separate meeting.
It’s important to set up this meeting with pastor as soon as possible because they will want to have time to prepare the service. During your meeting with the pastor, you will want to make sure the pastor has a general understanding of the funeral arrangements.
Inform Your Pastor
- Is the service going to be at the funeral home or the church?
- Is there going to be a graveside service?
- Any special songs, speakers, or other requests the pastor needs to know about?
Making sure that the pastor is informed of the details will ensure a smooth service, and will ultimately let you focus on your loved one during the funeral.
Share With Your Pastor
Not only will you be meeting with the pastor to talk about the details of the funeral service, but the pastor will also want to get some information from you. Most pastors who have done a fair amount of funerals will generally ask you these questions:
- Was your loved one religious?
- Is there anything your loved one requested to be done or said at their funeral?
- And they will most likely ask you for two or three personal stories about your loved one that they can share during the service.
However, most pastors do not request an honorarium or payment to perform a funeral. Even if a pastor does not request an honorarium, it is standard practice to give them something.
So, how much money should you give a pastor for performing a funeral? And when should you pay them?
The average honorarium for a pastor who is performing a funeral is between $100-$300, depending on how much preparation and work is involved. Now, like I said at the beginning of this article, every situation is different. When do you know to give $100 verses $300? Or what if you can’t afford the $100?
Well, I want to share with you my suggested honorarium chart for a pastor. You can find the chart below. And this chart covers how much you should give for different types of funerals, weddings, and even for a baby dedication.
So download the chart below and then let me know in the comments whether or not the chart was helpful.
Now, we’ve talked about when you should meet with your pastor to discuss funeral arrangements, we discussed how much you should pay a pastor to perform a funeral, but when should you actually pay your pastor?
Do you pay them before the funeral service starts? After the funeral? Or slip it to them during the middle of their eulogy? Well, again, there is no set standard on when you should pay the pastor, but I always suggest paying the pastor when you meet with them to discuss the arrangements. Why do I suggest that? Well, there are a few reasons.
On the day of the funeral you will be preoccupied with family and dealing with your own emotions. It will be easy for you to forget the check.
You don’t need to be concerned with logistics the day of. You need to use that time to grief your loss and honor your loved one. Not wondering if everyone got paid and things are going the right way.
Not only will you be preoccupied the day of, but so will your pastor. Remember, your pastor is not there just to perform a ceremony. They are there to walk with you and your family during the grieving process. To lift you up and take care of your spiritual and emotional needs. Your pastor will not be concerned about a check during that time, they will be concerned about you.
So there you have it. I hope this article helped to ease your concerns about how to navigating the waters when it comes to your pastor doing a funeral as well as knowing the appropriate way to value and honor your pastor as they journey with you during some of the most difficult times of your life.
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Until next time, use everyday to keep learning and continue growing. God bless, Pastor out.
