You’re attracted to them. If you have a friend or acquaintance that you just can’t stop thinking about, you might be romantically attracted to them.
When you’re attracted to someone, your brain releases feel-good hormones like dopamine, leaving you giddy and excited.This temporary high mimics the experience of addiction.[1]
You might be thinking about this person so much because you’re chasing this euphoric feeling. It may also be a sign that you're beginning to have deep romantic feelings for this person.
Reader Poll: We asked 546 wikiHow readers, and 69% agreed the surest sign of developing deeper feelings for someone is constantly thinking about them and fantasizing about being together. [Take Poll]
You admire them. If you’re not attracted to this person, you might simply admire them and want to be like them. They may exhibit praiseworthy traits, like kindness or intelligence. Or, you may admire their professional or creative accomplishments. This admiration is natural, and it’s typically harmless.
On the more extreme end, however, it can become dysfunctional. For example, if you’re thinking about a famous actor or musician to an excessive degree, this parasocial (one-sided) relationship could negatively affect your real relationships and personal well-being.[2]
They’re “the one that got away.” If you can’t stop thinking about an ex, you might be fantasizing about what could have been. This is especially common if you’re feeling frustrated with your current partner.
As licensed professional counselor Dr. Tara Vossenkemper explains, “Some days, you might be stressed and overwhelmed by the things that your partner does that you don’t like. On those days, you might mentally float away to the other partner you had who never did this stuff.”
When you’re doing this, you’re likely remembering a better, idealized version of your ex while dismissing the issues that led to your breakup.[3] It’s easy to get attached to these fantasies, which might be why you can’t stop thinking about this person.
You have unresolved feelings about them. If you’re thinking about an ex, or about someone you had a crush on but didn’t date, it might be because you feel like you have unfinished business.[4]
If you did have a relationship, you might feel like it ended too abruptly, denying you closure. If you never dated, you might be wondering what could have been if you had told them how you felt. Both of these situations could cause you to ruminate about this person.
You’re lonely. When you’re feeling lonely, you’re more likely to ruminate on negative thoughts.[5]
If, for example, you can’t stop thinking about an ex-friend you’ve had a falling out with, it might be because you’re feeling isolated and craving the social connection you used to have in this friendship.[6]
Your attachment style is playing a role. If you have an anxious attachment style, you may be prone to overthinking, and you likely need a lot of reassurance in a relationship or friendship.
For example, you might worry that your partner doesn’t love you anymore, or that your friend is upset with you, even when they’ve given you no reason to think this.
If you can’t stop thinking about a friend or partner even though nothing seems to be wrong, learning about your attachment style could be helpful.[7]
You’re struggling with your mental health. Rumination (repetitively thinking or dwelling on negative feelings) is common in certain mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression, and OCD.[8]
If you’re thinking about someone in a way that feels excessive or distressing, one of these conditions could be playing a role.
A condition called limerence may also be a factor. Limerence is essentially an infatuation or obsession with someone that stems from romantic attraction. It stems from anxiety and shares some symptoms with OCD, though they aren’t the same.[9]
