The writing is on the wall and sadly, both spouses concede that their marriage is not able to survive. Who is going to find adapting to life after divorce the most difficult — ex-husband or ex-wife? For a number of reasons, men and women do experience divorce differently. Research indicates life after divorce for men is more traumatic than it is for women, taking a more significant emotional toll as well as sparking physical deterioration. Women file for divorce 70% of the time, and when it’s a shock, with no time to prepare — that has a marked impact on how men handle divorce.
Women put work into being able to cope with grief
During marriage, women tend to foster more relationships with family and friends based on deep emotional connections than men. Thus, when divorce happens, there is a support network in place to help them grieve and recover. Many men, on the other hand, come to the abrupt realization that it was their spouse who invested the lion’s share of work into maintaining relationships during the marriage — and now those connections are justifiably retained by her and lost to him.
Men are also notoriously less likely to seek professional help. They bottle their emotions, believing that talking about their feelings or shedding tears makes them somehow “less of a man.” Thirty percent of men who live alone haven’t seen a physician within the past year and 42% don’t have a regular physician. “Toxic masculinity” — a term for harmful stereotypes about what it means to be a man — affects men’s mental, physical, emotional, and relationship health, and often contributes to them being afraid to ask for help from friends, family, physicians, or qualified therapists.
Men don’t get to see their children as often as they’re used to
A deep-cutting pain of divorce for men is the inability to see their children each morning, evening, or on weekends as they were accustomed to while married. Usually, the children’s mother is granted primary custody, and the man is granted limited time as part of a child custody schedule. The new, dreaded reality is becoming a “weekend dad.”
The time away from children provides men more time to dwell on the significant changes in their lives, while the responsibility of taking care of the children means mothers are able to be distracted and stay occupied. Anxiety can build in men as they worry about missing out on their children’s events and milestones, and losing the ability to help their children grow up with their dad constantly at their side.
Men’s health declines after divorce
Divorce impacts men’s health more than women. While women lean on support networks, go to work, and stay busy raising the children as the primary custodian, for men, there is a void they did not see coming. After divorce, there is no longer a partner there to encourage healthy habits or discuss everyday concerns. The aforementioned longer grieving period means men’s day-to-day activities become more sedentary and healthy routines fall by the wayside.
Men are more than twice as likely to suffer from post-divorce depression than women. Anxiety and hypertension are common in men after divorce, which can result in substance abuse and in the worst cases, suicide. Ten divorced men commit suicide in the U.S. each day. When poor mental health translates into a lack of will to eat properly and exercise adequately, post-divorce physical health risks can manifest in the form of cardiovascular disease and sometimes cancer.
Men must meet financial obligations
Meeting strict financial obligations is a primary source of stress for men after divorce. Both ex-spouses take a loss, but typically, men suffer a larger hit to their standard of living than women — between 10 and 40% — due to alimony and child support responsibilities, the need for a separate place to live, an extra set of household furniture and other expenses. And it is worse for men who provided less than 80% of the family’s income. These men have been shown to have a much tougher time making up for lost income.
New relationships only patch the heartbreak
Divorce grief is dealt with differently by men and women. Women, so often the instigators of divorce, can be more ready for a fresh life. Men’s behavior after divorce can set them up for years of hurt. When despairing men are stunned by recent divorce, it is common for them to be afraid to be alone, and so they rush into new relationships. The hurt from the divorce is never properly or professionally dealt with, causing new “replacement” relationships to subsequently fail.
Divorced men: You will never regret reaching out for help
If you are a man who feels intimidated by the concept of divorce and are not sure how to cope or structure your future, we invite you to contact Collins Family & Elder Law Group. We know how to provide the assistance you need to transition to a happy and fulfilled life post-marriage.
FAQs
Social support. While women might turn to friends or family for help, men may have less of a support network and be unsure of what to do next. If there has been some codependency within the marriage, it can make it harder to learn how to live a single life.
Why is divorce more difficult for men than women? ›
Men Have A Smaller Support Network
Women generally have an easier time reaching out to family members and friends when they're going through a difficult time. They may also be more likely to reach out to a professional like a therapist for support during the divorce.
Why is divorce hard on a man? ›
So when they go through a divorce, men often feel lost, alone, and alienated. They find it difficult to fully express and share their sorrow and unhappiness with people, including their parents, siblings, and long-time friends. Women, on the other hand, have stronger social connections.
Why is it harder for men to get over divorce? ›
Men tend to hang on to their marriages longer than women do, and they have more negative attitudes about divorce than women. Dealing with lost social connections, finances, and intimacy is more emotionally jarring, as well.
Why is it hard for a man to divorce his wife? ›
The identity of being a husband and family man is significant and has a lot of meaning for men. Marriage status is one of the most crucial determinants of self-identification and social recognition. When men divorce, they consider their status lost and find creating new social connections and partnerships challenging.
Why is divorce easier for women? ›
Better Support System. Women are more likely to have a robust support system than men, so they are more likely to talk to friends and family about their relationship and to have more help if they do divorce. They have a circle of support to help them through the transition.
Do men struggle more with divorce? ›
Divorce is never easy and it takes a toll on everyone involved. However, several studies have discovered that men tend to have a harder time coping with the aftermath of divorce than women do.
Who hurts most from the divorce? ›
Research indicates life after divorce for men is more traumatic than it is for women, taking a more significant emotional toll as well as sparking physical deterioration. Women file for divorce 70% of the time, and when it's a shock, with no time to prepare — that has a marked impact on how men handle divorce.
Do men usually regret divorce? ›
According to a survey, 39% of men regret being divorced. But it is not as simple as it seems. This statistic has many layers to it – for example, a man who has committed marital wrongdoing that triggered the divorce may regret the event, but a man who has been wronged during the marriage may not regret it.
What do most men do after divorce? ›
Since most men do not take time to grieve the loss of their marriage, they immediately get back out there and get into new relationships and use dating after divorce as a way of escaping the pain instead of giving themselves time to heal.
Thanks to the idea that men are unwaveringly stoic and unemotional, many men have less experience processing negative emotions in a healthy way, and may also feel less willing to reach out to emotional support networks — or to even have them in the first place.
Do men heal from divorce? ›
Men's mental health can be adversely impacted in several ways following divorce. Increased levels of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thinking are common. However, you may make the healing process easier by adopting healthy habits, reconnecting with those close to you, and prioritizing mental health.
Why is divorce so hard emotionally? ›
Even when a relationship is no longer good, a divorce or breakup can be extremely painful because it represents the loss, not just of the partnership, but also of the dreams and commitments you shared. Romantic relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hopes for the future.
How does a man feel during divorce? ›
Amid a divorce, feelings of depression and loneliness can permeate a man's emotional experience. The sense of loss, combined with changes in routine and social dynamics, can contribute to these emotions.
Do men ever win in a divorce? ›
It is a common misconception that men do not have the same rights as women when it comes to a divorce. In modern society, men and women are treated equally and must abide by the same laws. However, it is important for men to remember that their actions and behavior during divorce proceedings can impact the outcome.
Why a man wants to divorce his wife? ›
There's so many reasons why a man may do so .. the best answer would be he doesn't feel the same about her. Another one could be he's scared of commitment and isn't ready to be loved or to love.
Who suffers more from divorce, men or women? ›
While there's no argument that everyone endures the pain of divorce in one way or another, many people may be surprised to hear that, according to research, men have a much more difficult time with a split than women.
Does divorce hurt men more than it hurts women? ›
Research indicates life after divorce for men is more traumatic than it is for women, taking a more significant emotional toll as well as sparking physical deterioration.
Is divorce harder on boys or girls? ›
Boys are more likely to suffer from depression when one parent leaves the home, especially when a boy is not able to spend time with them consistently. Boys may also lose connection with the parent they live with because they work longer hours to provide for the family and keep a home running.
Why are women happier than men after a divorce? ›
While men look outward when seeking comfort from emotional pain, women look inward. They are more likely to take an internal inventory of the role they played in the demise of the marriage and are more willing to let go of the past so they can focus on the future.
