Everybody dreams of having a dog who permanently wants to cuddle. Usually, dogs are quite loving and affectionate to their owners, but sometimes, they might act distant… almost like we’re not there. It can hurt the ego quite frankly, and the heart a little too. Some dog owners get worried if their new puppy turns out to be a little more on the shy side and tends to rely on ignoring them to get by. Like any other being, dogs have a range of emotions, so them acting distant can indeed happen; but we’re here to help you warm them up to you.
In this article, we’ll be covering the top five triggers that might make your dog act distant, why your dog might not want to be touched or spend time with you, and some tips on how to build your dog’s confidence and connection with you again. Doesn’t that sound nice?
If you’re looking to help your dog get engaged and hanging off your every word, you better download the Zigzag puppy training app. We’ve got a brilliant personalized training program just right for your dog’s breed and age, and a team of dedicated and friendly, professional dog trainers to help you every step of the way, in our 24/7 in our in-app chat.
What can trigger my dog to act distant?
Stressful experiences, illness and pain, and negative training methods break a dog’s spirit. They take their hormones and emotions into a crazy roller coaster; all which can trigger a dog to act distant. If you were faced with any of those, you’d likely shut down too, right?
Trauma or stress
Going through a traumatic or stressful event like a car accident or being too close to noisy fireworks won’t be on your puppy’s list of favorite things. When these kinds of situations happen, it can easily make your puppy seem distant, spaced out or feel like they’re ignoring you.
Illness or pain
When your dog is in discomfort, uncomfortable, or ill, they may appear distant. It is not always clear when a dog is in pain, but a high proportion of behavior problems or unwillingness to engage can simply be because the dog just doesn’t feel great. It’s pretty much like you’re feeling under the weather.
Aversive training methods
Physical punishments, use of choke collars, slip leads or other collar corrections can trigger a dog to shut down and act distant. They’re truly non-ethical training tools you should stay away from, quite frankly. Other aversive methods also include shouting and telling your dog off and making them upset and depressed; it’s only natural that they’ll feel like staying away.
Hormones
Just like humans, hormones can play a huge role in the way that a dog feels. And as a puppy grows and develops, their hormones can be all over the place. As a result, this can make them hyper and have the zoomies. But on a rough day it can make them feel blue and appear distant.
Age
Senior dogs can get old and grumpy. It’s the circle of life, really. Their hormones can again play an important role in making them act distant as they sadly start to suffer from cognitive decline.
Why does my dog not want to be touched?
If your dog has gone from soppy to stressed about being touched, it’s likely that they’re in pain or feeling unwell. But if you have a new rescue puppy or dog, it might be the case that they probably weren’t handled positively before they met you.
Puppy 101, handling should always be done in a gentle and nice way. It needs to be done right from the beginning, when they’re young puppies, so they’re able to learn that hands are and lead to nice things; that they won’t reach out and hurt them. Not in your house, they won’t.
Why does my dog no longer want to spend time with me?
Dogs are sensitive souls and can have an escape-avoiding response to stressful situations like loud homes, or in environments where they feel unsafe. They’re also wonderful enough to pick up on our moods, which might also not want to hang out with us when we’re feeling upset.
But look, at the end of the day, everyone has off days. It might be possible that for once, you are not the problem, and they’re just craving some alone time, don’t worry!
Dogs have lived with us since domestication, but they still very much differ in personalities from each other. Some breed types, besides each individual personality, lean towards hanging out with humans more or less.
5 reasons why your dog may be distant from you
Boredom, pain, aging and stress can all cause a dog to act distant from you. Understanding them can help you find the underlying cause as to why they’re acting distant, and show you how to get them to engage with you again. Look at you, being a dog psychologist.
Here are 5 reasons why your dog may be distant from you:
1. Boredom
Boredom can lead a dog to act distant or be disinterested in you, as they’ve had to seek their fun elsewhere. If you’re not being any fun to be around, it’s not surprising that their moods might switch off! Don’t worry, you don’t have to work on your questionable sense of humor to entertain them; a simple game of fetch or treats will do.
2. Injury or illness
When dogs don’t feel well, they can act distant. Sometimes it’s easy to spot that something is wrong, (like when they’re vomiting!) but especially when they’re sluggish or lethargic, you can take it as a sign that there might be an underlying problem.
3. Ageing and cognitive decline
As dogs get older, they can start to struggle with cognitive decline. Sometimes, this can lead to Canine Cognitive Dysfunction, which is what we think of as doggy dementia. For elderly dogs, this looks like them zoning out or appearing distant. It’s quite sad actually, but we’re sure you can make them feel comfortable and loved during these difficult times.
4. Changes in routine
Dogs are creatures of habit and like to have a regular routine. It provides predictability and stability, which are two things they absolutely thrive on. If you suddenly change your puppy’s daily routine, it can make them worried and act distant as they lose confidence and are not sure what’s happening next because their feeling of safety is gone.
You’d probably feel the same if your sweets cupboard changed locations every time you looked for a treat.
5. Anxiety and stress
When a dog has no control over a stressful or negative situation, it can cause them fear or anxiety. They tend to go into a state called ‘learned helplessness’, which can look like your dog is being distant, but in reality the dog has just given up.
We often see learned helplessness as a reaction to a dog who has been repeatedly told off, or has had aversive or painful training methods used.
Rescue dogs will often feel anxious and go into a shut-down or distant state when they go into their new home.
Some dogs may also act distant due to separation anxiety, because they’ve panicked so much when you’re gone, that when you come back they pretty much shut-down.
These are all quite sad situations, which is why we’re so happy to see you here reading this article. For us, it means that you’re keen on becoming the best life partner for your new puppy. For your puppy, it’s wonderful news, knowing they’re part of a reliable and loving family.
How can I build my dog’s confidence again?
If your dog is struggling with fears, phobias or anxiety that is causing them to enter learned helplessness or act distant, there are things you can do to help them build their confidence and help regain that lust for life that’s buried in them somewhere.
Remove stressors – use a white noise machine for noise phobias, or fireworks, stop leaving your dog home alone longer than they can handle; we don’t want them to develop separation anxiety. Don’t hesitate to have a Vet check if you feel like illness or pain are lingering somewhere – we definitely want to rule them out!
Be consistent and have a routine – giving your dog a consistent daily routine will provide them with the security, reliability and predictability they need to feel confident in life. Having a schedule for meals, play sessions and walks is key – it will help lower their stress and anxiety as your dog will be able to grab on to it for reference when they go about their day.
Use positive reinforcement training – learning will often blow a dog’s mind; in the best way possible. It essentially makes them have a huge amount of confidence by teaching them that engaging with you or doing ‘something right’ brings about wonderful rewards. Think about the rewards your dog likes – treats, toys, play, or strokes – and use them loads every day when training.
Have you heard about clicker training? It’s a fabulous method to build confidence in particularly worried or shy dogs. You can also use a clicker to teach lots of tricks, which I’m sure you’re very excited about trying out eventually.
Teach your dog happy handling – if your dog is not comfortable being handled, bathed or groomed, use your trusty treats and rewards to show them that hands are nice and won’t hurt them. If you have a hand-shy dog you’ll need to take this slowly and use plenty of treats, or stuffed Kongs so that they’re able to build up positive associations with being touched.
Play games – Play is a great way of building a relationship. You’re strengthening your bond while having fun, and raising your dog’s confidence at the same time. Most dogs love to play, though dogs who lack confidence may take some time to warm up and be interested in playing with you. But with that patience and love of yours, you’ll see that they eventually come around…it’s only a matter of time until they’re stuck to you like a magnet to a fridge.
Here’s a pro tip for you – when using tug toys, pull them away from them rather than shoving them in their face, no one likes that!
Our training games library has plenty more ideas of fun things you can try to engage your dog with. You’ll see – they won’t get enough of it eventually.
Be patient and take things slowly – if your dog appears shy or a bit distant, flooding them with attention by trying to get them ‘to come out of their shell’ is risky – it might be you’re putting too much pressure on them, which will in turn make them less likely to engage, not more.
When you’re trying to get your puppy to warm up to you, it’s important to take every step slowly and at their pace. Remember to read their body language, and take it a day at a time. When they realize that they are safe and actually have choices in situations, you’ll see them flourish into confident, lovely dogs.
It’s good to remember that certain breeds of dogs are naturally more independent, and like to spend time on their own. Primitive breeds such as Shiba Inus and Akitas, or breeds traditionally bred to work like Border Collies and German Shepherds may not lie on top of you like those who were literally bred to do so like Pugs, Chihuahuas, or Papillons. But you never know – their mighty personalities may love being all up in your business!
If you think your dog is struggling with anxiety, whether it’s a fear of noises, separation anxiety, firework anxiety, or they seem scared of everything, it’s wise to talk to your Vet and a qualified dog behaviorist for help with this. We want your dog to live the happy life they’re meant to, so don’t hesitate to give professionals a call!
Dogs can appear distant for many reasons, and understanding the underlying cause will help you deal with it quicker. While it might be a reaction to pain, a stressful event, hormones or age, some dogs can have personalities that are just a bit more aloof, or are bred to be more independent.
Oh, and of course, accepting a dog for who they are and what their character is like, is also something you must do. They accept you for who you are, don’t they? Gosh, dogs teach us so many life lessons.
For more information on deciphering what your dog is trying to tell you, check out our articles on puppy body language, puppy behavior and puppy yawning. There’s much more to know – we can’t stop writing about it. We have it all – even information stuff on puppy humping. If you’re into that, you’ll probably want to learn how to calm your dog down too.
You can find out much in the Zigzag training app, as well as with our brilliant puppy training experts. They’re there whenever you need their advice, or simply a shoulder to cry on 24 hours a day via our in-app chat.
