Expressing sympathy in a genuine and caring way can be difficult, and so can finding the right words to comfort someone who has lost a loved one.
This is because many people aren’t sure which words will portray their feelings effectively, or they are scared they’ll say the wrong thing.
In this blog we offer some inspiration with suggested phrases and condolence messages. We also share some guidance about things which may be inappropriate to say to a person who is coming to terms with an agonising loss.
Comforting a Mourning Friend or Family Member
How do you express your feelings and support someone who is mourning a family member or friend?
There are many ways to help someone who is grieving, like offering to help with practical, everyday tasks, remembering important dates like birthdays and anniversaries, and continuing to check in on them over time.
Sometimes you don’t even need to say anything at all – just being present, offering a shoulder to cry on and ears to listen with can be the exact thing they need at that moment.
In saying that, what you say or the messages you write in a sympathy card can have more of an impact than you realise.
Here are some examples of phrases which may express exactly what you want to say.
Words To Comfort Someone Who Lost a Loved One
I am/ we are so sorry for your loss.
I offer/ we offer our heartfelt condolences.
Holding you close in my thoughts and prayers.
We are keeping you and your family in our thoughts.
I am/ we are going to miss him/her.
I feel so lucky I got to know him/her because <REASON>.
I am/ we are here for you if you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on.
He/she was (ADJECTIVE I.e. compassionate, charismatic, caring, kind-hearted, thoughtful, generous etc).
He/ she made a positive impact on so many lives.
What a remarkable life they had <REASON>.
We celebrate the life of <NAME> and mourn their passing with you.
I am so grateful/honoured to have known <NAME>.
Your mum/dad/grandma was a wonderful person who inspired and uplifted everyone they met.
I admired <NAME> because <REASON>.
We/ I understand how difficult this time is for you. Can I please help with <SPECIFIC TASK, such as laundry, dinner, babysitting> so you can rest.
Remembering <NAME> on their birthday/your anniversary. Thinking of you and sending lots of love your way.
<NAME> was such a loyal and loving sister/friend/spouse. I will miss him/her so much.
Please call me at any time of the day or night. I am here for you.
If you would like more examples of short condolence messages, click here.
What Not to Say When Someone Dies
The absence felt after death can be considerable and unbearable, and it’s important to note that saying the wrong thing can add to a person’s pain.
Here are some things to keep in mind when you do reach out to someone in mourning.
Don’t belittle their feelings:
Everyone experiences and processes heartbreak in different ways and their feelings are valid.
Avoid the following:
Cheer up/brighten up/ perk up.
Stop crying.
Time heals all wounds.
You’re young enough to remarry/have more children.
At least xxxx
Don’t make it about you:
While we all experience grief at some point, this is not the time to bring up your experiences.
Avoid the following:
When my <PERSON> died …
I felt the same when …
I know how you feel.
Avoid Religion if the mourner is not religious
Making Funeral Arrangements in Brisbane
If you or someone you know is struggling to come to terms with a heart-breaking loss, we share some information about support services here.
For those wishing to discuss arrangements for funerals in Brisbane, our team is ready to help, so please call us today on (07) 3217 3088.
Anton Brown Funerals is a family-owned, Queensland funeral company which was established in 1995.
Our Brisbane-based team of funeral directors are honest, professional, compassionate and understanding, and always put our clients and their needs first.
We go above and beyond to ensure your loved one’s funeral arrangements are tailored to their final wishes and can assist you with burials, cremations, coffins, floral arrangements, pre-planning and more.
If you need help organising a dignified funeral service, we are available to discuss arrangements 24/7, so please don’t hesitate to reach out to us today on (07) 3217 3088 or send us a message online here.
“I'm so sorry for the pain that you must be feeling right now; please know that I am here for you if you need a listening ear or shoulder to cry on.” “I'm sending warm wishes of peace and comfort to you in this difficult time.” “I wish I could take away your pain, but know that I'm here for you if you need me.”
“I'm so sorry for the pain that you must be feeling right now; please know that I am here for you if you need a listening ear or shoulder to cry on.” “I'm sending warm wishes of peace and comfort to you in this difficult time.” “I wish I could take away your pain, but know that I'm here for you if you need me.”
Knowing exactly what to say at a funeral can be the hardest part, but remember that simply speaking to the family is often as important as what you say. Speak from the heart and with kindness: "(The deceased) will be greatly missed.I'm sorry for your loss."
“May you be comforted by the outpouring of love surrounding you.” “We hope you know we are by your side during this time of sorrow.” “Sending you strength today and peace in all the days ahead.” “Wishing you peace and comfort in these difficult days.”
"If tears could build a stairway,and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again." "Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow." "Grief is itself a medicine."
“Today and always, may loving memories bring you peace, comfort, and strength.” “My heart is with you in your time of sorrow.” “Wishing you peace and strength during this difficult time.” “May the sorrow you feel in your heart lighten by the love that surrounds you.”
A comforting message can include phrases like “I am here for you” and “It's okay to not be okay.” Additionally, expressing your empathy and understanding of what they are going through can help. Are there encouraging activities to do with a friend?
Some common synonyms of condolence are commiseration, compassion, pity, and sympathy. While all these words mean "the act or capacity for sharing the painful feelings of another," condolence applies chiefly to formal expression of grief to one who has suffered loss.
Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.” Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.”
Remind Them of Their Strength: Share a comforting text message like, "I know this is a rough time, but remember, you're strong and you will get through this." Offer Your Availability: You could say, "Remember, I'm here if you want to talk about it or even if you just want to take your mind off things."
I can't imagine what you're going through. I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know what to say, I wish I had the right words to comfort you. You, your family and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Introduction: My name is Domingo Moore, I am a attractive, gorgeous, funny, jolly, spotless, nice, fantastic person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.
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