8 signs it might be time to let go of your relationship | Life (2024)

8 signs it might be time to let go of your relationship | Life (1)

A failed relationship can feel like the ultimate rejection.

Photo: Justin Lambert

  • Relationships are generally challenging, and one may hold on to the hope that a tough season in a relationship will come to pass.
  • Relationship expert Paula Quinsee shares 8 signs that it is time to let go of a relationship that does not serve you anymore.
  • Deciding to let go doesn't make you a failure. She says a failure is an event, not a person.

Anyone who has been in love knows that letting go of a relationship that no longer serves you can be difficult. The heart persists even when your head tells you it is time to call it quits.

Relationships are generally challenging, and one may hold on to the hope that a tough season in the relationship will come to pass. But for some people, it never gets better, and the status of their relationship doesn't change or improve over time.

Relationship expert Paula Quinsee says we all want to be loved and accepted for who we are at a basic human level. A failed relationship can feel like the ultimate rejection.

"We often start questioning our worth and what's wrong with us that our partner doesn't want to be committed or can't love us. Often, fear holds us back from making that final decision to let go," she says.

The fear of being alone, on our own and starting all over again may be crippling.

READ MORE | Can you love someone too much?

8 signs it is time to let go

  • You/your partner are detached from your relationship and are just going through the motions.
  • There is very little engagement, communication, or connection between you – everything happens on a superficial level.
  • There's no talk about the future or putting any future goals in place.
  • The relationship is one-sided – your needs are not taken into account.
  • You/your partner are using unhealthy avoidance/coping mechanisms such as alcohol, substance abuse, stonewalling, silent treatment, etc.
  • You/your partner are non-committal regarding conversations, making plans or taking action.
  • You/your partner keep threatening to walk away/end the relationship.
  • You have underlying resentment about things that happened in the past and are not able to forgive and move forward together.

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READ MORE |7 signs he is not that into you, according to a dating coach

Some questions you can ask yourself to help gain clarity on what's driving you to stay in your situation are:

  • What do you really love about this person?
  • Why are you considering ending/leaving the relationship?
  • If you had the opportunity to turn things around, would you want to, and how badly do you want to fix this relationship?
  • What is your level of commitment to making the relationship work should you decide to stay and work on it?
  • What has your role/contribution been in getting things to where they are now?

Staying in a relationship you don't want to be in anymore has lasting consequences. It may impact your mental and emotional well-being.

"People may lose their identity and sense of self within their relationship as they resort to coping mechanisms to survive their environment, such as alcohol, sleeping tablets, socialising, throwing themselves into their work, and becoming numb to their emotions," Paula says.

Are you in a relationship you want to let go of?Tell us here.

READ MORE |Do you think you are settling in your relationship? 5 signs you are, according to a dating coach

"In the long run, it can negatively impact our self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence and, in extreme cases, even lead to suicidal thoughts and depression."

Deciding to let go doesn't make you a failure. "A failure is an event, not a person," she adds.

"It's important to unpack and process what led you to your situation. How do you learn from it so you are in a much healthier emotional space for your next relationship."

- Paula Quinsee is a relationship coach, author and speaker specialising in creating healthy relationships at home and in the workplace to co-create a more human connected world and positively impact people's lives.

8 signs it might be time to let go of your relationship | Life (2024)

FAQs

8 signs it might be time to let go of your relationship | Life? ›

8 signs it is time to let go

When to finally give up on a relationship? ›

Some signs that it is time to end the relationship include: You've both stopped trying. There is no emotional or physical connection or intimacy. You have differing goals in life.

When should enough be enough in a relationship? ›

You're more sad or angry together than happy. Lack of joy is a key sign that enough is enough. If you find yourself stressed, depressed, or angry more often than you do fulfilled or content, your relationship may have too much friction to stay afloat.

How do you know that your relationship is ending? ›

Lack of emotional connection

While lack of intimacy is an obvious sign of relationship deterioration, this also applies to emotional intimacy. If you're no longer excited to be with someone or lack any curiosity to know your partner on a deeper level, it suggests a decline in compatibility.

How do you know when it's time to break up with someone? ›

Should You Break Up? The important thing to remember is that all couples engage in criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling at times. But consistently using one or more of these behaviors is a definite sign that something is not right in your relationship.

How do I know my relationship is worth fighting for? ›

The first way to know if your relationship is worth saving is that you are both committed to growth, individually and together. When couples reach out for support, they are often in a difficult time of heightened conflict, betrayal, or disconnect.

When should you stop trying to save a relationship? ›

The short answer: When you've let too much resentment accumulate between you. You probably no longer see the good in your partner as outweighing the bad. It's likely you have few positive feelings left for your partner, or perhaps no feelings at all.

How do you know if your relationship is beyond repair? ›

What does real trouble look like?
  • There's no emotional connection. ...
  • Communication breakdown. ...
  • Aggressive or confrontational communication. ...
  • There's no appeal to physical intimacy. ...
  • You don't trust them. ...
  • Fantasising about others. ...
  • You're not supporting each other and have different goals. ...
  • You can't imagine a future together.

Am I forcing my relationship? ›

Do you both care more about the relationship than about being right? Or do you struggle with communication, hold onto resentment, and feel like every fight could be the end of the relationship? If your closeness doesn't bounce back after arguments, you might be forcing the connection.

How do you know when it's over? ›

Some key signs your relationship may be beyond repair include: a lack of physical intimacy. issues with problem-solving. feeling lonely in the same room.

What month do most couples break up? ›

The first seasonal breakup peak—coined the “spring clean”—goes down in March. But the biggest love purge falls about two weeks before the winter holidays—hence the name 'breakup season'.

How do you know if it's a break or break up? ›

Breaks are temporary pauses in a relationship, while breakups are permanent separations. By spending time away from each other, the intention is to return to the partnership as a stronger unit.

How do you know when to stop fighting for a relationship? ›

Here are some signs that might sound familiar: The two of you are fighting constantly lately and you never really make up — and maybe don't talk to each other at all some days. You rarely plan date nights anymore, and sex has lost its spontaneity. It may feel like you're drifting farther and farther apart.

At what point do you let go of a relationship? ›

You have an overwhelming, overall gut feeling that this relationship isn't working; you feel negatively often. You cry, complain or feel anxious about some aspect of the relationship or your partner multiple times a week. You don't enjoy spending time with your partner or need alone time more than usual.

When you know it's time to leave a relationship? ›

Number one is a passionate, intimate and electric connection. That connection is a result of your polarity with your partner. If you're not feeling that anymore – and you don't have the desire to fix the situation – that's one of the biggest signs to leave a relationship.

At what point do you decide to end a relationship? ›

Basically, you need to ask yourself if who you are as a person is in some sort of conflict with who they are as a person. If the answer is yes, then it will be nearly impossible to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship with this person. That isn't anyone's fault, and it also means you may need to move on.

How do you know when it's time to give up? ›

Signs You May Want to Quit
  1. Prolonged neglect of basic care (meals, sleep). ...
  2. Feeling more negative than positive feelings. ...
  3. Friends tell you to quit. ...
  4. Imagining quitting feels great. ...
  5. No solution is in sight. ...
  6. Staying for the wrong reasons.

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