I know the idea that you should never give up on dating might seem exhausting to you.
So many of my clients, when they are going through a break up, tell me that they will never date again, that it is not worth the pain.
And I get it. The pain of a break up is intense. And dating is exhausting. And the whole thing just seems hopeless some days.
But I am here to tell you that you should NEVER give up on dating because, in the end, it will be worth it!
And here are 5 reasons why to inspire you to keep up the good fight and get the love that you want.
#1 – Would you give up on something else you really wanted?
When you want something, do you usually go for it?
If you see a piece of jewelry you love, do you save up for it? If you see a job listing that you want, do you update your killer resume and go for it? When you wanted to get your driver’s license more than anything, did you keep on taking the test, even after failing more than once?
Of course, you did. When you see something that you want, you go for it, no matter what the obstacles!
So, why would you give up on dating if love is what you want more than anything? I mean, how else are you going to find the love you seek?
I have a client who has wanted to be in a relationship for a long time. We have worked hard to get her out there; she was on the apps, went to meet ups, bugged friends for introductions. But, unfortunately, while she met some great guys, nothing stuck.
So, about 3 years ago, she gave up dating. She said that it just wasn’t worth it and that she was just going to be alone. And, guess what? She is still alone.
My client is not unhappy. She has chosen not to date and accepts that she most likely won’t find love, as a result. But she lives life to its fullest and she is content. And you can do that too.
Or, if love is what you seek, you can keep on dating, holding onto hope that you will find your person.
#2 – Every date is a new opportunity.
6 years ago, I met a guy on Match. He had lovely blue eyes and we clicked right away but we realized pretty quickly that we would be better off as friends.
This man has become one of my best friends. I would stay with him when I travelled to Vermont from New York City, we would go see disaster movies together and we helped each other through more than one horrid relationship.
I never would have met this man if not for Match and I am forever grateful, not only because he is one of my best friends but because, 3 years later, he introduced me to the love of my life who I am now living happily ever after with.
The point of my story is this Every single date that you go on is an opportunity to meet someone new, and with every new encounter, you open up your world just a little bit.
As with my friend, a date gave me a best friend. A client met someone who connected her with an amazing job. Another gained a whole new friend group in a city she had just moved to. One learned how to ski, something that she had never been brave enough to do on her own.
So, never give up on dating. Like me and my clients, even if you don’t have a romantic match with someone, they could be the person who opens up your world in a new way.
#3 – Dating is a numbers game.
I wish I didn’t have to include this one but it’s true. Dating really is a numbers game.
What do I mean by that? Dating is, like many things, something that one must do a lot of in order to succeed. You must meet as many men/women as you can to find the one who is for you. That needle in the haystack.
I know you are thinking that you DON’T WANT TO DO THAT. The idea of many dates is incredibly unappealing and you just want to sink into your couch.
But don’t. I probably went on 30 dates and had 6 8-week relationships between my divorce and when I met my boyfriend. Most of those dates were fun but I did not get anywhere. (Some of them not so much like the guy who climbed up on a rock to kiss me, although still declaring that he was 6″ tall). And there were definitely times that I chose to stay home instead of going on a date that seemed like it had no promise but, more often than not, I put myself out there, hopeful. And I met a lot of great guys along the way, and had my fair share of great sex as well!
So, take a deep breath and up your dating game. Go on as many dates as you can without going insane. At the very least, you might get an interesting few hours out of it and a story to tell your friends!
#4 – You want to keep the energy out there.
I have a lot of clients who want to meet the love of their life but they just can’t seem to make a concerted effort to do the work to find that person.
They list themselves on all the apps and then sit back and wait for people to find them. They stay home watching TV. They play hard to get with someone who expresses interest. And, guess what happens – they get nowhere.
Like difficult things that can be hard to acquire, love requires effort and attitude acknowleging that this is what you want and putting your energy into finding it.
Furthermore, if you carry with you the belief that you are never going to find your person, you won’t. Negativity doesn’t get you what you want, positivity does.
#5 – Because you want to find love.
Well, duh this is the most obvious reason to never give up on dating the fact that you want, more than anything, to find love. And giving up on dating will definitely put a damper on those dreams.
Sit here for a moment and feel what it would feel like if you never found the love you seek. If you were okay being alone but you felt the huge absence in your life of someone to share it with. If you didn’t get the wedding or the baby or whatever it is that you dream about when you think of love.
I am guessing it would feel pretty yucky, no?
So, if there is one reason to NEVER give up on dating, this is it!
If love is what you seek, do everything that you can to find it. And, whether we like it or not, dating is a part of the actions we must take to get the love we want.
So, there are 5 reasons why you should never stop dating. Good for you for reading this far about a topic that you would probably rather ignore.
I dated for a long time and it did get exhausting but I did figure out some things to do to make dating a little bit easier.
I learned to take each date individually, to recognize that it would be an opportunity for me to either meet someone new who I would never see again but who was entertaining (mostly) for a few hours or to meet someone who might be a friend or to meet someone I would have a short, but sweet (and sexy) relationship with.
Of course, I was often disappointed but I made the best of it and kept at it, believing that one day, my number would come up and I would find my guy.
And it did! And yours can too!
Mitzi Bockmann
